Skip to main content

Thrive

Waking up every morning and not feeling that you are worth it is the worst. You feel like everything you do doesn’t matter and what you look like does. You wake, up brush your teeth, look in the mirror and look there you are. What is your meaning? what is your purpose, why are you so scared? Why do you look like that?


For the last year or so this negative mentality was what I was dealing with. I was so in the mindset of perfection that it just gave me stress and sadness. I was always looking at myself and picking on myself, every part of my life I was critiquing negatively.


One of the major causes of my self image issues was how I looked at myself. What I would do is look at old pictures of myself from Highschool. I wouldn’t look at my accomplishments from Highschool or any good memories; no I would look at myself and say “wow look how skinny I look here, wow I look so good, why can’t I be like this now?” Not only did this bring my confidence down but it would completely ruin my week. I would decide to go on some fad diets, I would cut out things that were necessary. I would go as low on Pinterest on a mission to find some way to lose 10 pounds in 2 days. Just a whole mess and super unhealthy.


The constant critiques affected my confidence. By the end of junior year of college I hated myself. I had fallen into the trap of web that I had spun of all the lies I had told myself. Things like “wow no one likes you”, “ see you put yourself into this mess.”


When summer came around and after school had ended, I think I was ready to change something. I was tired of constantly torturing myself and making myself feel this way. This was my first step, I knew something was wrong and I needed to change it.


My second step did not come until the end of the summer. It happened by chance I would happen to find this book that changed a lot of how I looked at my life. The book was called “Girl wash your face”. In it Rachel Hollis (who is high key my idol now) wrote about all the lies we tell ourselves. Two of the things that I got out of this book was 1. If you want to change to happen don’t wait on it to happen change it yourself. 2. Other people’s opinions of you are their business. I think this book was talking to me. I knew that this was what I needed to do and listen to.


So I did. I picked myself up from where I was and went to work. It wasn’t easy but I tried. First, I looked myself in the mirror. Instead of pointing out everything wrong i changed my perspective and said this instead, “wow you look good today. “ Doing this became a part of my routine. These affirmations boosted my confidence little by little. I also started writing in a journal. These two things helped deal with the emotions that I was too embarrassed to talk about, or thoughts that I didn’t want to burden anyone with.


Honestly, I think that not writing was one one of the things that I had taken for granted for so long. The fact that Constance and I had this platform, and I didn’t utilize in the beginning was something I regret now. But I’m going to change that now.


With Rachel Hollis’s second main idea of “Other people’s opinions of you are their business”. I think this idea and energy spoke to me. For so long I had been taking things everyone said to me to heart. I internalized it and it made me feel miserable. I think this began when I was thirteen and my doctor called me fat. That was a lot for me at 13 and made me question my choices. I know now that i wasn’t. But just didn’t sit right for the last eight years. I would see myself in the mirror and instantly I thought “you look disgusting”. But now it’s different.


Okay okay so you must be saying, “she’s full of it.” There’s no way she’s a different person. But sis I am! My whole perspective has changed. I have chosen to live my life. I’ve told myself to stop fearing life and embracing it. I told my self to end all that negativity that was slowly killing me on the inside and outside. I’m telling you right now I am glowing different. I feel good for the first time in a long time. It doesn’t mean that I don’t go through things, I do. I just chose to handle my emotions differently and look where I am now. Thriving!!!


What I leave with you is this. Sis enjoy your life. Life is scary, it’s unpredictable but make life your life no one else’s. Don’t lie to yourself about how your feeling. Help yourself! You are in control, you are the master of your destiny. Don’t let others bring you down. You and only you are living this life. You and only you can change it.

xo

Kate

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

If You Knew This About Me, You Might See Me Differently

January 10, 2019: "I woke up on January 1, 2019 in a pool of vomit containing bits of greens, fried chicken, and Sauvignon Blanc. I’m done feeling badly for myself. So what’s up? Let’s talk. I began to realize that I was profoundly alone. Don’t get me wrong, I was not alone in the sense that I didn’t have anyone I can turn to. I have a very loving family, one who’s always there for me and particularly supportive sister who I can call with any trouble or stress I have and know that I’ll get some type of immediate validation. The type of aloneness said I was feeling stems from my own unhappiness, and the realization that I’d never in my budding adult life been content with being by myself. I was always with someone in someway doing something that made me feel more fulfilled than I would have if I were by myself . I’ve been meaning to write a book on a myriad of topics ranging from but not limited to the black experience in excess of the white neighborhoods, childhood, and more. I w

On Being A Solo Act: Your Goals, Your Happiness

I've always been an overachiever. Since birth, I've taken what I wanted. More often than not, with hard work, I've found myself face to face with success. I enjoyed the journey. I am not saying this to gloat. I want to offer you some context as to why I feel so incredibly useless and defeated recently. I walked at my graduation on May 30th, 2019 in recognition of both of my degrees. I formally graduated with my bachelor's degree six months ago. Today I am completing my last course for my Master's degree. You want to know what's fucked up? I am 21 years old,  I can officially say that in four years, I was able to get both a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree, all while juggling the bullshit I've discussed at length on the blog. And that's INCREDIBLE. But, I don't see my situation as such most of the time. I see an absence of goals. As if all I am is the product of my schooling, I'm wondering what's next, all while being dep

Contributing Writer: Anda

2020, is the first year I will be entering since 2015, entirely on my own. For four years, I was emotionally abused, bullied, mistreated, and torn apart time and time again all at the hands of someone that I thought I couldn’t live without. Being without him meant there was no me. Being without him meant I couldn’t go on with my life. I had to be with him to grow, I needed a future with him. I had to make sure he was on track with his school work. I had to do his school work. I had to cook for him, clean his room, and be there for every emotional problem he had. And then when he no longer needed me or had no use for me, he threw me aside like garbage and came back a month or two later when he would need me again. For four years in a row, my heart was played with and he covered his reasoning with “love.” “I do this because I love you, i track you because i love you, i don’t let you hang out with your friends because i love you, I argue with you about guys looking at you because I love y