Contributing Writer: Amanda

Mother and daughter relationships are sometimes tough. However, when your mother is around, but consistently absent this is extremely difficult to manage. My parents got divorced when I was 4, my Mom then married my stepdad when I was 5, but alcohol always seemed to be more important to her then what was going on with me. My Mom always had random mood swings that would throw me off also, sometimes when I was just casually trying talk to her she would get so upset with me and then ask me to go get her a beer.




Thankfully my Dad and my stepdad were very active and involved figures in my life which I am so thankful for, there could never be enough words to explain. However, I remember in high school attending a psychology informational forum about bi-polar and knew immediately my Mom fit that. I tried to talk to her about that but she ignored me and was in denial. Later I remember reading a book about multiple personality disorder, which my Mom fit into and I tried to discuss with her, once again ignored by her and she was in denial of this also. I already diagnosed her myself as an alcoholic. When I was 18 my Mom and I got in a pretty heated argument, I got a city bus, went to my Dad's house and we have not had a relationship since then and I am now 34.




I moved in with my Dad because I was at that point aware of her problems, and also knew that my stepdad didn't deserve to be unhappy with her like he was hiding, their divorce came a few years after I left, but him and I still have a relationship today.It isn't for a lack of trying though that my Mom and I no longer have a relationship, having a relationship with my Mom was always important to me, however she walked out on four different counselors when each counselor realized it was Mom who had issues to tackle for our relationship to be successful, not me.




Through my own counseling I wrote my Mom a letter and stated when she has taken the time to take care of herself and when she can prove to me that she has been psychologically tested then and only then will I have a relationship with her because otherwise, she is simply too toxic to have in my life, my stepdad before filing for divorce while in the presence of a marriage counselor also requested the same thing. All of this while it is tough, it is a part of who I am and also why I try to stay so positive regardless of the challenge I am facing.




I am so thankful for the positive women who are in my life, and the work I do with kids as an educator including Constance's brother Nathaniel who I worked with when he was in elementary school, so that I continually see and know that positive relationships among families including moms and daughters can and do exist, as well as how to create, build, and maintain a positive, loving and caring relationship with my own child should I choose to have them one day.




There are triggers for me like my Mom's birthday and Mother's Day, but thankfully I have a tribe of people who love and support me during and through these moments, because dealing with something like this is not easy, but as long as you stay positive and never loose believe in yourself, anything is possible. I also ensure to take time each day to write in a journal, so that I remind myself of all the things within my life to be thankful for. My past does not shape my tomorrows.