Skip to main content

Intentionality

I've always wanted to be a person who says what they're going to do, and then does it. I have been super reflective lately on how my actions impact others, in good or bad ways. How have I raised people up? Who have I hurt? What have I said I was going to do and then didn't do? How are people around me, or even myself, impacted by that?

I've done a mediocre job at holding myself accountable for the things and promises I've let slip by, both directly and indirectly. I didn't call him/her back. I didn't make it to this, in the absence of a good  reason. I did not try my hardest on this one thing, because I simply didn't want to.

With specific regard to two people in my life, I have not kept my word.

One is a mother for whom I tutored. But with the presence of school work, I sort of slipped out of communication with her, living her without a tutor. The other is a very sweet, past-potential romantic partner that I never called back. We were going different places, and I felt like he and I could find better matches in other people, but I never told him that directly, even after he told me how he felt about me. It was not until a similar thing was done to me that I realized that I might have hurt someone. I am so sorry to both of these people, and I am texting them both today. But I am being driven by empathy and pity. In the future, I don't want to get to this place. I just want to do what I said I would do.


It's called intentionality. Are you resolute in attaining the things you want? Are you steadfast in keeping the promises you make? I'm not always, but I'm hoping to get there soon. On the eve of my 22nd birthday, I'm reminding myself that I am better than all of the broken promises and commitments I'm responsible for. I want to be an intentional, resolute, and persistent person who helps others and herself get to their destinations.


You are after all the product of your action or inaction.

Comment in the box below.


Cheers,

Constance
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If You Knew This About Me, You Might See Me Differently

January 10, 2019: "I woke up on January 1, 2019 in a pool of vomit containing bits of greens, fried chicken, and Sauvignon Blanc. I’m done feeling badly for myself. So what’s up? Let’s talk. I began to realize that I was profoundly alone. Don’t get me wrong, I was not alone in the sense that I didn’t have anyone I can turn to. I have a very loving family, one who’s always there for me and particularly supportive sister who I can call with any trouble or stress I have and know that I’ll get some type of immediate validation. The type of aloneness said I was feeling stems from my own unhappiness, and the realization that I’d never in my budding adult life been content with being by myself. I was always with someone in someway doing something that made me feel more fulfilled than I would have if I were by myself . I’ve been meaning to write a book on a myriad of topics ranging from but not limited to the black experience in excess of the white neighborhoods, childhood, and more. I w
1 comment
Read more

On Being A Solo Act: Your Goals, Your Happiness

I've always been an overachiever. Since birth, I've taken what I wanted. More often than not, with hard work, I've found myself face to face with success. I enjoyed the journey. I am not saying this to gloat. I want to offer you some context as to why I feel so incredibly useless and defeated recently. I walked at my graduation on May 30th, 2019 in recognition of both of my degrees. I formally graduated with my bachelor's degree six months ago. Today I am completing my last course for my Master's degree. You want to know what's fucked up? I am 21 years old,  I can officially say that in four years, I was able to get both a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree, all while juggling the bullshit I've discussed at length on the blog. And that's INCREDIBLE. But, I don't see my situation as such most of the time. I see an absence of goals. As if all I am is the product of my schooling, I'm wondering what's next, all while being dep
1 comment
Read more

Contributing Writer: Anda

2020, is the first year I will be entering since 2015, entirely on my own. For four years, I was emotionally abused, bullied, mistreated, and torn apart time and time again all at the hands of someone that I thought I couldn’t live without. Being without him meant there was no me. Being without him meant I couldn’t go on with my life. I had to be with him to grow, I needed a future with him. I had to make sure he was on track with his school work. I had to do his school work. I had to cook for him, clean his room, and be there for every emotional problem he had. And then when he no longer needed me or had no use for me, he threw me aside like garbage and came back a month or two later when he would need me again. For four years in a row, my heart was played with and he covered his reasoning with “love.” “I do this because I love you, i track you because i love you, i don’t let you hang out with your friends because i love you, I argue with you about guys looking at you because I love y
Post a Comment
Read more