So for the last month and a half or so, it's been very hard for me to write. It's not because I have nothing to write about, because honestly I do. But it's been hard to for me to even look at this blog because I've been too afraid to say anything that would potentially make someone uncomfortable. The other fear was that I would have myself too exposed for for everyone to see. For a really long time I have tried to limit myself to how much people know about me. I have always felt that if people knew too much it would potentially hurt me in the end. I think my barriers are higher especially when I talk to someone I am interested in or even when I feel like I have fallen out of grace. For two years now I have tried to limit myself to how I handle my emotions. I do so in order to protect myself from judgement or how people might perceive me. In many cases I try push things to the side and make it seem like things do not bother me in order to protect myself from acting irrationally or to save face. In turn, but not always, I bottle things up inside until at some point it breaks me. Not a healthy way of dealing with things I know.
So for the last two weeks I have been trying to be more honest with myself. Honest in the things that I want, how I feel about situations, and in other ways.
So in order to show how I've tried to be more honest in how I feel, here is an example of my feelings on May 3rd, 2019:
One of the best things you can do is cleanse yourself. All of it. All the sadness the agony the hurt.When looking at the last month I have seen growth along with the depletion of my character. Through the growth aspects of my life have changed. The way I hold myself and the way I value my life have been two things that have drastically been positive. This positivity dwells from the simple changes in my life. Changes that have implicitly improved me as a person is my focus on what I want. the depletion of my character is seen on how I attach myself to people who wouldn't do the same for me as I to them. Don't do that remember that there are people who don't deserve that respect.
Hopefully my posts will be more consistent and more real. I am not trying to hold back anymore. Maybe this example is not enough, or not as honest. But hey I am trying. It will be hard but I will try.
This is my promise to whoever reads this.
Best,
Kate
Let’s talk about identity. The journey to finding your identity is ever evolving both professionally and personally. As a former student athlete, athlete was always my identity. I was never just a student, I was a student athlete… that is even how I was introduced to others even after my career. “This is Abby, she was a Division One student athlete…” was frequently the phrase used when friends, family and bosses introduced me to others, and I had a sense of pride with it too. Though, as my athlete title began to slip away, my “Corporate” identity began to resonate stronger. At work I was incredibly hungry to grow in my career, so I did things I thought would get my farther...such as biting my tongue in meetings where I had an opinion but I was just the “young, pretty employee” in the room, so I should listen. Slowly, I realized, I began to leave pieces of my personality at the door when I entered the office as a way to earn respect from my male counter parts. If I was more masculine t...
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