Lessons for a Break Up

About two or three months ago, a friend of mine was going through a break-up.

They were a cute couple, and she was my close friend, he, my ex's best friend. She was devastated but, she no longer wanted to be in a relationship in which she felt limited. I gave her the best advice I could one night, sighting lessons from my own relationship, one that had not yet ended. I sent a list of ways to cope, move on, forgive herself.

It has been an entire month since I parted ways with my ex. A MONTH. Where has the time gone. I feel a little stronger everyday. I am learning to lean and to lean deep into what is going on around me.

Last night, I was going through my phone and I found the list. And there it was: cogent, genuine lessons from right inside me. I did not know how refreshing it was to know that there was truth within, however limited it may feel now. Today, I'm sharing that list with you. I hope it helps you through any trial you may be facing. Please share your opinions and thoughts in the comment box below.

Cheers,
Constance

Advice for breakups:

1. Cry hard, cry often. We are told that it’s not okay to cry so often that we bottle the emotions up inside. CRY. LET THEM OUT. And then when you’re done, feel the fear and anxiety that caused your tears slip away
2. There’s no where to go but up when you hit rock bottom. (To be clear, YOU HAVE NOT HIT ROCK BOTTOM). But it sure as hell feels like it. There is no calmer thought in the midst of chaos than, “I can not possibly do anything else right now than get better because everything is so shitty”. And guess what, you’re right! The sky’s the limit.
3. Go get your nails done, waxed, eyebrows done, hair done, whatever. Do whatever you need to do to make you feel like you are not a mess. Because you aren’t. Sometimes taking care of yourself physically can be a pick me up inadvertently.
4. I don’t know if you are spiritual or not, but pray. Ask the universe, God whomever to watch over you and show you what great goods are to come. Talk about your problems. Sometimes placing your problems on something larger than ourselves can lift the burden off of ourselves and be therapeutic. It’s similar to talking to a parent, only more introspective.
5. Happiness is ephemeral. Happiness comes and goes. We are often sad because we aren’t happy. But being happy 100% of the time is IMPOSSIBLE. Aim to be content. Contentment is the feeling that everything is okay. You aren’t happy and you aren’t sad, but you’re thankful for being present and alive.
6. It’s okay to want to talk to your ex. It’s okay to not want to talk to your ex. It’s okay to still love that person. It’s okay to want nothing to do with them. It’s okay to feel a mix of all of the above.
7. We all go through seasons. Some seasons involve pruning people from our lives, and some involve expanding. With every new (and old) relationship, you are growing, transforming, and maturing.
8. Do not be bitter. The past is in the past. When you reflect on your life 50 years from now you’ll be happier that you focused positive energy towards those who love you and whom you love, rather than focusing your energy on someone who might not be a part of your story ever again. Live for the here and now, and do it with forgiveness in your heart.
9. Watch one ridiculously good show WAY too much and get lost in the story. Laugh, cry, sympathize, ENJOY. I recommend Grey Anatomy and Jane the Virgin. You think you have problems, watch a season of each lmao
10. Plot twist: somewhere out there someone’s world is just a little more crazy than yours. This is a small little period (.) in the story that is your life.
11. Exercise and get those endorphins going.
12. You have friends for reason. Go out. This life was not made to be spent alone.
13. Although, if you want to be alone, close your room door and take and hour or two to yourself. Self care is important.
14. Speak good into the world. Tell your truth about this breakup when you absolutely have to, but otherwise, speak positivity. Breakups are draining. Only you can resolve this situation in the long term. Think, “I’m thriving today”. Sometimes it may feel good to shittalk our past partners, but that only gives life to a negative situation anyways. Stay optimistic for better and healthier opportunities.
15. When anxiety strikes, write it down. When something amazing or good happens, write it down!
16. Your mother is your biggest source of wisdom, regardless of how dysfunctional her relationship(s) have been. Often times it’s those relationships which help her tell you what NOT to do. Listen to her.
17. Be okay with being single. You only have yourself at times. You are your biggest ally.
18. I love you and I am here for you. Call me whenever.

If You Knew This About Me, You Might See Me Differently

January 10, 2019: "I woke up on January 1, 2019 in a pool of vomit containing bits of greens, fried chicken, and Sauvignon Blanc. I’m done feeling badly for myself. So what’s up? Let’s talk. I began to realize that I was profoundly alone. Don’t get me wrong, I was not alone in the sense that I didn’t have anyone I can turn to. I have a very loving family, one who’s always there for me and particularly supportive sister who I can call with any trouble or stress I have and know that I’ll get some type of immediate validation. The type of aloneness said I was feeling stems from my own unhappiness, and the realization that I’d never in my budding adult life been content with being by myself. I was always with someone in someway doing something that made me feel more fulfilled than I would have if I were by myself . I’ve been meaning to write a book on a myriad of topics ranging from but not limited to the black experience in excess of the white neighborhoods, childhood, and more. I w...

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