On Being A Solo Act: Your Goals, Your Happiness

I've always been an overachiever. Since birth, I've taken what I wanted. More often than not, with hard work, I've found myself face to face with success. I enjoyed the journey. I am not saying this to gloat. I want to offer you some context as to why I feel so incredibly useless and defeated recently.

I walked at my graduation on May 30th, 2019 in recognition of both of my degrees. I formally graduated with my bachelor's degree six months ago. Today I am completing my last course for my Master's degree.

You want to know what's fucked up? I am 21 years old,  I can officially say that in four years, I was able to get both a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree, all while juggling the bullshit I've discussed at length on the blog. And that's INCREDIBLE. But, I don't see my situation as such most of the time.

I see an absence of goals. As if all I am is the product of my schooling, I'm wondering what's next, all while being depressed.

Enter advise from my Dad.

About three months ago, I called my mom and dad in tears. I said, "Mom, Dad. I am SO lost. I am depressed. I have no idea what I am going to do next". But my dad offered me some words of peace.  He said, "Constance. Calm down! That's okay. You completed your goals. Now all you need is new ones!"

I view myself as a failure because another accomplishment is not on the horizon just yet. But I need to slow the fuck down! I've already done so much. And I will do so much more. But enjoying the process is way more important than checking off the boxes of success.

Just to reiterate, emotional strain is real. It is so possible and acceptable to feel unfulfilled, even when you've achieved so much. The thing about life is that sometimes, most times, we do life with other people. We work with people, we go out with people, and we grow with people. And then there are those times when you're alone. You wake up alone, you think alone, and you dream alone. For me, those alone times have been scary, guided by no direction or sense of purpose whatsoever. I am at a crossroad, where I am taking a leap of faith into a HUGE abyss of unknowns. The unknowns wear me down: "Who will you be"? "What career path will you pursue?" "Who will you end up with?" "How many children will you have?"... This is longer than I can begin to fathom. But the scariest question of them all is, "Will you be happy"?

Today, I had an interviewer ask me where I saw myself in five years. I wanted to sink. Truthfully, I am overly ambitious. She looked at me crazy as I jumped from the possibility of law school to the possibility of more school for a teaching degree. I did not even go any further. I had this feeling that my uncertainty was making her wary for me. I fear my own uncertainty. What if I never become a specialist in anything and remain a generalist? What if in the end, I spent more time unhappy than I did happy?

They say we are all in charge of our own happiness. The statement can be both wonderful and daunting. It implies that you are the maker of your destiny, in the face of both good and bad. So when you're so ridiculously unhappy, it's your fault. Something in your recipe for internal contentment is off. And do you have to be happy alone?

To be honest, I have convinced myself that something catastrophic is going to take hold of my life, and in the chaos fo it all, I am going to have to pick up the pieces. But I can't even being to fathom how toxic and ridiculous that thought process is. The most cogent truth out there is that I have a choice(s).

I can chose to live in fear. But I can also chose to live in hope. This is a gentle but urgent reminder that you have so much to offer the world. You WILL be great. You WILL help others. You ARE beautiful. It's OKAY to chill out for a second. Rome wasn't built in a day as the saying goes. Identify your goals, serious and fun. and get to them. IF your goal is to travel, and you need to make money, say yes to unconventional modes of acquiring money. Getting a job as a barista after college does not make make you a failure. When did we connivence ourselves that we were too good for hard, honest work. You are brilliant by yourself.

What I have come to realize is that moving forward takes grit. Complacency is safe and comfortable. You get into a routine and you're okay (step 1). But my goal, our goal, is to thrive (a life long process). So, let me share with you some of my goals for 2019:

1. Be healthy and happy.
2. Make We're Okay an incorporated 501(c) 3 organization. 
3. Build the company from the ground up.
4. Bring a We're Okay chapter to my college campus.
5. Get a job which offers me professional experience in a field that is appealing to me.
6. Become an experienced digital editor.
7. Write a book.

That's the extent of my goals for now. They aren't grandiose to me, and they aren't all for pleasure, but they're important to me. And the idea of actualizing them makes me happy.

Focusing on your goals is important. And if you've achieved all of your concrete goals, set new ones. You're not a failure. You're also not a product of where you are in your life. This period in your life is just a chapter in your story.

My fulfillment of my own goals will make me happy. As it turns out, my vitality and myself worth is linked indefinitely to the fact that I need to be contributing positively to the world.

I leave you with this:

A few weeks ago, I went to a party. I met a 70 year old woman named Judy. She's a QUEEN. For some reason or another, we gravitated towards each other. She looked at me with glassy eyes and said, "Constance, make your life a solo act. Live for you. Stop playing in the orchestra. (post to come on "playing in the orchestra")When you focus yourself inward, your life will be on your own terms, your happiness will be fulfilled, and people will gravitate towards you. But be careful. You need to be selective with who you allow to be around you. Because some people will disrupt your solo act, and turn it into their act. Choose wisely".

WOW.

In other words, DO YOU, even when it's hard, and surround yourself with people who will help further your journey independent of their own journeys.

Watch me grow into a strong and beautiful woman. Watch me learn to love myself unconditionally. Watch me be a solo act. I promise you, I am unstoppable.

You are too.

I want to hear from you about your journey. I'm already so incredibly proud of the steps (LARGE and small) that you've taken. You're a star.

Cheers,
Constance


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